So after nine years of devastating austerity, nearly fours years of uncertainty over Brexit, six weeks of feeling hopeful for change and the last week fuelled my anxiety and adrenaline we have returned to a Conservative Government led by Boris Johnson.
As the initial exit polls predicted a landslide, I went into denial and continued to hope that this would not be the case. I felt sick, scared and fought against crying with all my might. This continued for about two hours, until I had to come to terms with the fact that Labour had not been able to convince the voters that they could lead the country. At one point, I considered breaking my 19 months of sobriety to numb the feelings. I stayed up in the hope that Ian Duncan Smith, Dominic Raab, Priti Patel and even Boris Johnson himself would have lost their seats, to no avail. Once secure in the notion that my local area had held on to all three of its Labour MPs and considering to move to Scotland, after observing the SNP success, I took myself to bed defeated.
When I woke up three hours later, I made a brief attempt to watch Good Morning Britain to see if any miracles had occurred, but couldn’t stomach Piers Morgan that early (or anytime for that matter) so swiftly turned it off and went through my morning routine. Over the last three weeks, I have been working through the Deepak Chopra Abundance challenge and more recently have also been following the online Commune Wellness retreat. So I listened to the soothing tones of Deepak’s voice and listened to an American speaker talking about techniques for reducing our own biases.
I have to admit I struggle with meditation on the best of days and I spent most of the talk thinking that I am right to be biased about Tories but I persevered and by the end I felt calmer and more relaxed. This allowed me to be a little more forgiving of the general electorate who did not see my point of view. I spent the day feeling strangely calm and philosophical, trying to spread a little positivity to people I talked to in person and over social media.
Yes it was disappointing, devastating and scary, I acknowledged, but it is what it is and we have to accept that, reflect and do better next time. Rather than anger I felt sad.
Sad for the 4.1 million children and young people who are living in poverty. For the millions of public sector, health and emergency services workers that are underfunded and stretched to their limits, for the victims of Grenfell and Windrush who are unlikely to see the justice and change they need, for the 320,000 homeless people, for the youth workers who have lost £39million since 2011 and the young people who have been left vulnerable to gangs and serious youth violence and exploitation and for the parents who despite working or budgetting on Universal Credit have to rely on the 2000 food banks and handouts from local cash strapped charities.
We need to show compassion for each other and brace ourselves for what will be and take this opportunity to reflect, listen and learn lessons to fight another day, I said. And I was right and I reflected and I shared the ways we can just be kinder to each other as a society; how people can contribute to their communities to make change and how each connection you make with someone from another culture or community, or each time you become an active bystander is a challenge to the Government, because by one kind act at a time we can make change.
This is not wrong, I still stand by that but….today I am angry!
Mindfulness has a place. On a personal level, it is useful to ensure that you are responding not reacting, that you are not internalising negative energy and that you are being compassionate to yourself and others. I would encourage people to look into it, especially as potentially things are going to get worse for some time. However, it should not numb us into submission or allow people to take advantage or oppress us. Most importantly, it does not heal trauma and that is what many people are experiencing in our society today.
Part of my sadness yesterday was that I am tired of the fight. For the past 30 years, I have been working with young people and communities, fighting for funding and services, fighting on behalf of individuals of all ages to have decent homes, safe places to play, opportunities to learn and work , better mental health services, safety from domestic violence and gangs…I could go on. I am not the only one. There are millions of people working tirelessly and thanklessly in our communities every day, many people getting paid less hours than they work and many not getting paid at all, providing essential services that are preventing people from completely disappearing into the unseen underclass. We are all tired. And , just for a little while we had a glimmer of hope. We thought there might be abit of respite.
So yes, I am angry that Labour lost and that there is evidence it wasn’t a fair fight- financially imbalanced, biased media, misleading and pernicious Tory campaign. I am angry that people chose to vote for a man who is blatantly racist, homophobic and sexist (amongst other things). I am angry that we will be subjected to worsening poverty, that Brexit will damage the country and the NHS will be sold off to Trump. I am angry that the 151 people who didn’t vote in Kensington could have helped a labour MP be elected to help the people affected by Grenfell get justice. I am angry that black people, muslims, single mothers, working class people must have voted for people who in reality do not represent them. Again I could go on!
The anger will continue to fuel my passion and determination to continue the fight for a more equal and fairer society. The anger will make me get out and march for what I believe in. It will work with my local Labour party to make the changes within so that we are prepared for the next election and the one after that. The anger will make me work on projects that promote critical thinking skills, to understand the power of the media and the structural racism that this system relies upon and find ways of healing the trauma that poverty causes.
The anger will have to be channelled into positive action because otherwise the Tories really have won.
Remember that millions of people did agree and buy into the Labour manifesto, some even agreed with it in principle but didn’t agree with Labour’s stance on Brexit, had issues with Corbyn or just didn’t trust that it was possible. Some chose not to vote at all but are active in our communities. If all those millions of people worked together – even just in the small ways I mentioned before- we have a real movement of change.
We are not alone in this anger and sadness. We need to unite and galvanise our communities. We need to get creative, active and think differently. We need to buy from black owned and ethical businesses. We need to share our talents and skills with our local community centre. We need to ensure people know how to challenge policies and decisions locally and nationally. We need to reassure those first time voters that their vote was not wasted that we can use every single one to work towards something much better.
Use mindfulness for all it can do and then get involved in doing something that will make life easier not just for you, but for someone you don’t know. Don’t use the anger to fuel hate. You don’t have to be friends with a Tory if you don’t want to! Carrying around hate towards them will only damage you… they don’t care, they are sitting in the mansion (or council house) and getting on with their lives, thanks very much Jack!
Action is the only way forward. Make it a conscious action. A choice to do something positive. Be kind to yourself and others. We shall overcome.
PS. Absolute credit goes to Jeremy Corbyn who led a dignified and inspiring campaign despite underhand tactics and attacks from all angles. His track record, humility and empathy speaks volumes. I have every respect for him.
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