Jackie. Jaksxx. J. Woman. Mum. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Graduate. Wife. Campaigner. Aunty Jack Jack. Militant. Community Worker. Jew. Russian. Singleton. Innovator. Social Entrepreneur. Raver. Victim. Survivor. Polish. Learner. Teacher. White. Influencer. Swimmer. Poet. Writer.
All labels that I have identified with. At different times in my life, different labels will have taken priority. However, I have always known who I am and when I have drifted away from this core identity and the values that are true to me, it has felt uncomfortable at best and soul destroying at worst.
If we as individuals are sure of our identity and clear about our core values, we can be secure in ourselves and more tolerant of others. We can have self-respect and healthy boundaries. We are able to say ‘no’ to what does not fit with us. We are able to live lives that are free from fear and doubt.
Oh if it was that easy!
Our identity will change as we grow. It may differ according to the people we surround ourselves with. It will develop as we learn more about ourselves. Ultimately, it is all that we have.
So if we are stripped of our identity, if we lose ourselves in our relationships, or if we grow up not really knowing where we belong we become vulnerable to predators or may make bad decisions. We seek out relationships, support systems that meet our immediate need to belong but may not be healthy or safe.
Our identity is developed gradually and is determined by our reflections from others. It is not until we look in the mirror that we really know what we look like. It is not until we feel how people treat us that we know how to treat others, or ourselves.
A young person who does not feel accepted by the country where they were born because they practice the religion they were born into or because they feel forgotten or neglected by those meant to care. A young person excluded from school or continually criminalised through Stop and Search. A young person who has each foot in two different and distinct cultures may not find it easy to fit in either of them. These young people may find the support and companionship in gangs or radical organisations.
“Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.” Aristotle
These are the most informative years of our lives and the time that we learn most about the world. If our world is not safe, loving and nurturing it will affect our growth and development. It will have an impact on our understanding of ourselves and the search for who we are may lead us through difficult or dangerous terrain. People who have an understanding of where they come from and who they belong to and that this is a loving and supportive relationship are less likely to steer away from their instilled moral compass and if they do it hopefully won’t be forever.
In the past, I have lost my identity within relationships or friendships, getting absorbed by the other person’s needs and wishes. Compromising mine to feel like I belong. Dealing with negative behaviours and putting up with disrespect and denigration of my identity because this reflected the unconscious dimmed view I had of myself. I have done things I am not proud of and have made mistakes but by taking responsibility and spending time out and having unconditional support I have been able to rebuild my identity.
Having a sense of identity is a national issue at the moment. What with the whole Brexit debacle, the Windrush Injustices and a generation of young people seemingly killing each-other and themselves it is difficult to see a national vision. Our Imperial roots have never been so obvious than in recent years, with the rise and normalisation of fascist rhetoric, racist legislation and right wing propaganda which aims to divide and rule. Having a strong shared Identity and a unified approach are essential if we are to overcome these challenges.
I rarely identify myself as English or British above anything else. At times it was not something I wished to identify as at all. However this may be because nationality is something I am lucky enough to have taken for granted.
My Grandad was not able to feel so secure. As someone who came to the UK under the Alien Act and became an architect in the civil service contributing to the British infrastructure, he continue to fear his potential removal throughout his life. I feel disgust and desperation that after 100 years, thousands of people who have been British Commonwealth Citizens from birth, fought for their country, worked to rebuild and create the Britain we know who are still having their identity questioned and their sense of belonging ripped from them. A sense of belonging that was always been conditional anyway.
In order to be a Britain we want to belong to, we need a leadership that cares about ALL its citizens, takes responsibility for its mistakes or past wrongs, invests in the people who it depends on for its future to survive. Unconditionally treats all of its citizens and guests with respect.
To prevent our children and young people getting lost on the wrong course, we need to invest in them with our time and love. We need to instil in them, a sense of who they are and that they are valued and important. We need to listen to them and recognise they are all individuals and will respond and act differently. We need to model positivity and be proactive in our own lives being the best we can be and if we are not there yet, show that change is possible by striving to be that person.
Our young people are creating their own identities they will be different to ours because our generation where living in different times. We have created the society that they are navigating but we have not been effective at providing them a map. Life has changed faster than we were prepared for. The introduction of the internet and the millions of different opinions and identities are influencing them on a daily basis. No wonder why there is no cohesive voice. No simple British identity. No one way to deal with knife crime.
On a national scale, we need to challenge laws and decisions that allow our citizens who contribute to our wealthy and abundantly diverse British culture to feel unsafe.
As individuals we need to actively challenge anything that threatens a person’s right to their identity on a personal level. We need to be mindful of our ability to impact someone else’s identity through our behaviour. This can obviously be positive by appreciating individual attributes and accepting each-other for who we are. However, If we are overbearing or controlling, even with the best intentions and genuine (if not misguided) purpose to help another, we may reinforce negative identifications and create co-dependency which becomes toxic.
I believe that identity is a little like coconut oil or milk. It can be solid and fixed, it will change to liquid with heat but will come back to the solid form given a chance to change.
Every person will need to be allowed that fluidity. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has the capacity to change and grow from those mistakes, especially, if they have the support and boundaries around them.
We can all do our bit by being true to ourselves and our own identity, being aware about our motivations and choices we make and being open minded and non-judgemental when dealing with others.
Putting my words into action, to show a unified approach, I will be attending the demonstration on Saturday 16th March. I will be surrounded by people I can identify with who share my passion to honour everyone’s right to their own unique identity and celebrate the diverse cultures we belong to.
I hope you can find a way to honour your own and other people’s identity this week.
https://www.tuc.org.uk/events/un-anti-racism-day-demonstration
musingsofamindfullefty.blog 
Well said- love the coconut analogy 👏🏽👌🏽❤️
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Well said. The support given to be and live as a British citizen. Being supportive of our young by examples within our own lives. Wow! All your amplifies and metaphorical exploration to explain ….. superb
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